Tag Archives: Lyndon Norton – wakiku

Shisan: My Aching Back (Links #5 – #6)

My Aching Back is gathering momentum… that sense of community and playfulness that I had hoped for, so thank you again to everyone for participating as a writer or reader. Your energy is exhilarating!

It was again a true pleasure to read the nine poems on offer for Link #5, and again, the decision has been incredibly difficult.

Without a season to reference, it has been wonderful to see the way each poet has leaped forward from the gravy smeared winter moon. For link #5 there are visions of cane toads and cockroaches; passing buses and green men; rolled up trousers and backyard games; piles of marking, aphids and something just out of view…

Such riches to move our poem forward.

And while each of these poems would lead us down a unique path, there is one poem that has had me transfixed since reading, so it is with no regret, that I have leaped into the light with the cockroaches and added Chris’s poem to the shisan.

This means the call is now open for Link #6 – 2 lines without seasonal reference. I am already excited to see which way the poem will move, so leap boldly! This is the final link in the development stage… after link #6, we will be journeying into the darker side of things…

I will be back on Monday to make my decision for Link #6.

Happy weekend to you all,

*****

My Aching Back: Shisan
Started: 15 May 2013 – Finished:
Written between: Matt Hetherington, Lyndon Norton, Ashley Capes, Lee-Anne Davie, Chris Lynch

Side 1jo – preface

Link #1 (3 lines) – hokku (autumn)

my aching back
a leaf falls
from a branch

(Matt Hetherington)

Link #2 (2 lines) – wakiku (autumn)

as I put down the rake
the sky darkens

(Lyndon Norton)

Link #3 (3 lines) – daisan (non seasonal)

in the shed
removing a dropcloth
from old paintings

(Ashley Capes)

Side 2ha part one – development

Link #4 (2 lines) – winter  moon

gravy smears the dinner plate
winter moon

(Lee-Anne Davie)

Link #5 (3 lines) – non seasonal

I regret
the light switch
cockroaches

(Chris Lynch)

Link #6 (2 lines) – non seasonal

Side 3ha part two – intensification

Link #7 (3 lines) – spring blossom
Link #8 (2 lines) – spring
Link #9 (3 lines) – non seasonal

Side 4kyu – finale

Link #10 (2 lines)- non seasonal, love verse
Link #11 (3 lines) – non seasonal, love verse
Link #12 (2 lines) – ageku (summer)

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Shisan: My Aching Back (Link #4 – #5)

I put the call out for an inventive moon verse and 13 poets delivered!

In the 18 poems I had to consider, the moon was seen in grandpa’s shaving mirror and stuck up a tree; it was gravy smeared, radiating, spilling milk; it was both full and crescent; it was smashed bone china, a woman’s navel, old paint tins, watercolour strokes; it was dusting the path, riding the storm, destroying the landscape; it was with and without a song.

It was wonderful to see the moon is no many different ways… so which way did I leap?

Well there were many poems that continued to pull at me long after reading, but in the end, I narrowed my focus to these three:

For its sparseness and clarity…

stuck up a tree
winter moon

(Andy Smerdon)

*

For its agelessness and its ability to age…

grandpa’s shaving mirror
another winter moon

(Chris Lynch)

*

For its use of humour and colour…

gravy smears the dinner plate
winter moon

(Lee-Anne Davie)

Narrowing it down to one has been a struggle, but the poem must move forward… and to move it forward, I have chosen Lee-Anne’s ‘gravy moon’. I went with Lee-Anne’s as the gravy smeared plate linked so inventively back to the drop cloth and its roll of catching the paint.

Before I move on I do want to respond to Mal’s query about the need to use ‘winter moon’ in its entirety. While the 3 poems I narrowed things down to all do this, it is most certainly not a requirement. This is important to clarify as we move through the poem and to other verses such as link #7, spring blossom.

So now the call is open for Link #53 lines, without any seasonal reference. This leaves plenty of room for experimentation, but be sure to read back through the poem to avoid repetition of any images such as trees, leaves and darkness as they are already strongly represented in the poem.

Leap boldly!

*****

My Aching Back: Shisan
Started: 15 May 2013 – Finished:
Written between: Matt Hetherington, Lyndon Norton, Ashley Capes, Lee-Anne Davie

Side 1jo – preface

Link #1 (3 lines) – hokku (autumn)

my aching back
a leaf falls
from a branch

(Matt Hetherington)

Link #2 (2 lines) – wakiku (autumn)

as I put down the rake
the sky darkens

(Lyndon Norton)

Link #3 (3 lines) – daisan (non seasonal)

in the shed
removing a dropcloth
from old paintings

(Ashley Capes)

Side 2ha part one – development

Link #4 (2 lines) – winter  moon

gravy smears the dinner plate
winter moon

(Lee-Anne Davie)

Link #5 (3 lines) – non seasonal
Link #6 (2 lines) – non seasonal

Side 3ha part two – intensification

Link #7 (3 lines) – spring blossom
Link #8 (2 lines) – spring
Link #9 (3 lines) – non seasonal

Side 4kyu – finale

Link #10 (2 lines)- non seasonal, love verse
Link #11 (3 lines) – non seasonal, love verse
Link #12 (2 lines) – ageku (summer)

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Shisan: My Aching Back (Links #3 – #4)

Response to Link #3 (the daisan):

Again, let me first thank the five poets who jumped in and offered their words for the daisan. Without you, their is no moving forward. And each of these poems offers a way forward…

In re-reading the hokku and the wakiku, I have made the decision to flip the order of the images in Lyndon’s verse. For me, this adds an even greater musicality to the poem.

So now to the daisan, the break away verse…

Ashley moves us inside the shed, where we (almost immediately?) assume the rake was stored, only to find ourselves removing a dropcloth from some old paintings. This discovery adds a richness to the image and successfully shifts us away from the earthiness of leaves and raking.

Lee-Anne moves us inside behind venetian blinds, where in the darkness, she comes to the realisation, there are many moons.

[I want to take the time to point out that while this is image works well on its own, it brings the moon into the poem one verse too soon, as Link #4 calls for an appearance (or at least the hint of an appearance) from the winter moon.]

Andy places us at lizard height on the road, with the echo of oncoming traffic rippling in our ears.

Mal, sounds a seemingly distant siren as the cold metal burns and Cindy introduces a second person to the poem, then tears the breath from our chest as words are left to hang in the crisp night air.

I tossed and turned between two of these poems, but in the end, settled on Ashley’s ‘in the shed’ for its elegant twist.

This means the call is now open for Link #4 – 2 lines winter moon. The moon is a powerful force in haiku and has been called on to do a lot of work in the first 100 years of English language haiku, so let’s leap boldly in the search for a unique take on the moon as it enters the winter sky (and our shisan).

Enjoy!

*****

My Aching Back: Shisan
Started: 15 May 2013 – Finished:
Written between: Matt Hetherington, Lyndon Norton, Ashley Capes

Side 1jo – preface

Link #1 (3 lines) – hokku (autumn)

my aching back
a leaf falls
from a branch

(Matt Hetherington)

Link #2 (2 lines) – wakiku (autumn)

as I put down the rake
the sky darkens

(Lyndon Norton)

Link #3 (3 lines) – daisan (non seasonal)

in the shed
removing a dropcloth
from old paintings

(Ashley Capes)

Side 2ha part one – development

Link #4 (2 lines) – winter  moon
Link #5 (3 lines) – non seasonal
Link #6 (2 lines) – non seasonal

Side 3ha part two – intensification

Link #7 (3 lines) – spring blossom
Link #8 (2 lines) – spring
Link #9 (3 lines) – non seasonal

Side 4kyu – finale

Link #10 (2 lines)- non seasonal, love verse
Link #11 (3 lines) – non seasonal, love verse
Link #12 (2 lines) – ageku (summer)

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