Shisan: My Aching Back (Link #4 – #5)

I put the call out for an inventive moon verse and 13 poets delivered!

In the 18 poems I had to consider, the moon was seen in grandpa’s shaving mirror and stuck up a tree; it was gravy smeared, radiating, spilling milk; it was both full and crescent; it was smashed bone china, a woman’s navel, old paint tins, watercolour strokes; it was dusting the path, riding the storm, destroying the landscape; it was with and without a song.

It was wonderful to see the moon is no many different ways… so which way did I leap?

Well there were many poems that continued to pull at me long after reading, but in the end, I narrowed my focus to these three:

For its sparseness and clarity…

stuck up a tree
winter moon

(Andy Smerdon)

*

For its agelessness and its ability to age…

grandpa’s shaving mirror
another winter moon

(Chris Lynch)

*

For its use of humour and colour…

gravy smears the dinner plate
winter moon

(Lee-Anne Davie)

Narrowing it down to one has been a struggle, but the poem must move forward… and to move it forward, I have chosen Lee-Anne’s ‘gravy moon’. I went with Lee-Anne’s as the gravy smeared plate linked so inventively back to the drop cloth and its roll of catching the paint.

Before I move on I do want to respond to Mal’s query about the need to use ‘winter moon’ in its entirety. While the 3 poems I narrowed things down to all do this, it is most certainly not a requirement. This is important to clarify as we move through the poem and to other verses such as link #7, spring blossom.

So now the call is open for Link #53 lines, without any seasonal reference. This leaves plenty of room for experimentation, but be sure to read back through the poem to avoid repetition of any images such as trees, leaves and darkness as they are already strongly represented in the poem.

Leap boldly!

*****

My Aching Back: Shisan
Started: 15 May 2013 – Finished:
Written between: Matt Hetherington, Lyndon Norton, Ashley Capes, Lee-Anne Davie

Side 1jo – preface

Link #1 (3 lines) – hokku (autumn)

my aching back
a leaf falls
from a branch

(Matt Hetherington)

Link #2 (2 lines) – wakiku (autumn)

as I put down the rake
the sky darkens

(Lyndon Norton)

Link #3 (3 lines) – daisan (non seasonal)

in the shed
removing a dropcloth
from old paintings

(Ashley Capes)

Side 2ha part one – development

Link #4 (2 lines) – winter  moon

gravy smears the dinner plate
winter moon

(Lee-Anne Davie)

Link #5 (3 lines) – non seasonal
Link #6 (2 lines) – non seasonal

Side 3ha part two – intensification

Link #7 (3 lines) – spring blossom
Link #8 (2 lines) – spring
Link #9 (3 lines) – non seasonal

Side 4kyu – finale

Link #10 (2 lines)- non seasonal, love verse
Link #11 (3 lines) – non seasonal, love verse
Link #12 (2 lines) – ageku (summer)

Advertisements

11 Comments

Filed under poetry

11 responses to “Shisan: My Aching Back (Link #4 – #5)

  1. Simon Kindt

    poetry calls
    but the marking pile grows
    the teacher reaches for the blowtorch

    Sorry… Couldn’t resist

  2. cool…love how it develops

  3. I regret
    the light switch
    cockroaches

  4. patriciaipsa

    # 5
    journey back
    to blacks barred from town
    backyard games

  5. Jonathan

    not even the radio
    tonight
    a bus passes

  6. Andy Smerdon

    #5
    trouser legs rolled up
    warm water
    soothes

  7. #5
    Cane toad waits
    For fried bugs
    Empty boots

  8. #5

    I wait for the green man
    looking down
    at gum constellations

  9. #5

    pinkish brown cluster:
    knit and purl a wish upon
    a wing-ed aphid

  10. #5
    behind the frame
    no view
    of the picture

  11. Pingback: Shisan: My Aching Back (post 1500 on Another Lost Shark) | Another Lost Shark

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s