Empty Creel

 

        for Jacob Polley

Cast after cast
he failed
to notice the wind
reach deep
inside his ear.

He was eyes on the line,
last light on the water.

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6 Comments

Filed under poetry

6 responses to “Empty Creel

  1. I already liked the first version, but I enjoy this second one more. Those last two lines round it out just enough, and make it less abrupt.

  2. the first one has a consequence (ice) and this one more about the internal experience of the fisherman, he is doing this casting, he isnt noticing the wind because he’s focused on watching, so essentially he is missing a section of the fullness. and i always wonder about that. because there’s an expansion/contraction in creating, sometimes it is essential to filter out the wind. other times you are missing half the experience if you do that-this really has impact and beauty.
    great set of poems!

  3. To me both demonstrate the singularity of what he is concerned about without awareness of what else may happen…both strike me as being effective in conveying that message.

  4. Those two lines change the poem completely – I think I prefer this version (though both are good) – the one on my blog is more philosophical imo and made me think a lot; this one puts the focus back onto the day of fishing – is both funny and contemplative in a reverse zen type of way 😉

  5. Really interesting G, I struggled to access the first version and pleased to read this second crack (initial reaction – I like this second version better) BUT!! I would return to ‘a future of ice’ to keep reading deeper into it (and have been doing so) which may be what you want of a reader. (I’d return to this version too but not with the same drive.) Interesting versions. Cheers

  6. i think i also like this one better. gives it some deeper, farther meanings.

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